As parents, we applaud every win our children made, be it big or small. The rows of trophies and medals are proof of our children’s accomplishments, and ours as well. However, letting children face failure from time to time is essential for their overall wellbeing. In a world where accomplishments among young children are celebrated and marveled upon, it seems strange to be told that we should let our children fail instead. Here are reasons why it is important to let our children fail from time to time.
1. Learn from mistake
Failure brings upon the chance to learn from mistake and to correct it the next time round. Imagine having a smooth sailing life, where there is no set back and no failures. There is nothing to learnt and nothing to improve on. There will not be any progress in humankind as all of us would have thought what we have is already perfect. Albert Einstein famously failed in more than 1000 experiments when inventing the lightbulb. However, instead of calling it quit or calling it failed, Einstein merely shrugged it off as 1000 lessons on what did not work and progress from there.
When faced with failure, children learnt what works and what does not and hence, will not repeat the same mistake.
2. Brings humility
Success and winnings bring about joy and proud moments, but it may also bring upon arrogance. Let me clarify that not all children will turn to be arrogant and proud the moment they achieved something. However, we must accept that there is a chance, no matter how remote, that success would make our children feel pompous or conceited. No one likes a proud and arrogant child. Besides that, children who are full of themselves are usually stubborn and not open to suggestions or opinions.
Failure on the other hand, brings upon humility. When faced with failure, children learnt that there are much to be improved on and are more open to suggestions and help. They know that they are not perfect and strive to be better.
3. Develops character
Everyone faces setback with different frame of minds. Some learn from it, some feel dejected while others do not seem to be affected at all. The ways children go through each life experience show the tendency of their characters. When parents senses something out of character, they could act on it right away and not let the bad behavior festers.
As children face failure or setbacks, parents could teach them about fixed and reality growth mindset. It is important to help children develop the right character or mindset when they are young. Besides reality growth mindset, it is equally important to help children develop grit. Having gone through failure or setback is a good background to develop such characters as children can better relate their experiences than through something imaginary.
4. Accelerates growth
Failing and learning from mistake is how children learn and grow. No one is able to do anything the first time round. As children learn from their mistakes and improve on it, their brains are stimulated to think critically. Active brain stimulation leads to physical and mental growth. Minds that are not challenged will become lazy and inactive. Imagine a toddler learning to walk. If she gives up upon first fall, there is no way that she will be able to walk and run in the future. Only through falls and trying again that her legs develop the muscles to walk steadily.
5. Mature on own pace
Everyone is different, including children. Each of them grow in their own pace and acquire maturity in their own course of time. However, this process can be helped along as children go through different experiences. Each experience is an opportunity for children to learn and to gain insights into what future holds. Failure is also an experience that every child need to go through and mature from. In order to bounce back from failure, children need to overcome fear, insecurity and self doubt to be able to gain success the next time round. All these will lead to maturity.
6. Regulate feelings
Failure comes with it feelings of sadness and disappointment. However, this should not be viewed as something negative. When faced with such situation, children are given the chance to learn the setback of failing and to express their feelings, whether it is positive or negative. Being able to regulate their feelings is an essential part of growth. Learning to regulate and communicate their feelings help children to have healthy mindset and self esteem. In the process, they learn to be emphatic towards others as well.
Failing is an experience every child should face. What is more important is the ability to bounce back . While we can’t avoid letting children face failure from time to time, we can help them gain positive outcome from each setback they faced. Here are what parents can do help when their child faces setbacks:
1. Do not jump in to help at first sign of difficulty
2. Help them identify and talk about their feelings
3. Encourage them to work harder
4. Tell them stories about people who failed but made a great comeback
5. Celebrate effort instead of outcome
6. Brainstorm together on ways to overcome the problem
7. Teach them reality growth mindset
8. Teach them grit and resilience
9. Do not compare children with others
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