7 Ways to raise emotional healthy children
- byfluene
- Jul 14, 2021
- 5 min read
Good emotional health is an important part of healthy children’s development. Emotional health helps children build positive social behavior, thinking and communication skills as well as laying the foundation for better mental health and well-being in later life. While it is easy for parents to identify children’s physical needs such as nutritious food, different clothing at different weather, etc, children’s mental and emotional needs may not be easy to identify.
Being alert and sensitive to children’s emotional well-being is a good start in helping them develop good mental health. Here are 7 ways to raise emotional healthy children.
1. Build self esteem
Children with good self esteem generally believe and see the good things about themselves. They feel liked and accepted, as well as feel proud of what they can do. Even in the face of mistakes, they could accept the failure and believe that they could do better next time, instead of beating themselves up. Self esteem is an important part of children’s development as they learn and grow when facing challenges.
Good self esteem does not happen naturally in children. It needs to be built and nurtured. Parents could help children build their self esteem by focusing on their effort, rather than outcomes such as successes or failure. It is important to understand that children will not be successful in everything they do. Failure is not final. What is important is that they learn from it and bounce back, which is a process of developing grit. Equally important is that parents should use praise sparingly. It is understandable that parents would like to encourage their children by praising them, even when their achievements do not deserve such attention. However, children could tell when praise is not genuinely given and would feel ashamed by it instead.
2. Set limits
As much as we want our children to grow without the worries of the world, there are limits that we need to impose. Besides managing impulses and anxiety of not getting their way, children need to learn about consequences of their actions. Setting limits may seem harsh at first look but this is what children need to feel safe. Children cannot tell what is right or not till we step in and tell them that. Limits help children control their impulses. For example, children may think that there is nothing wrong in staying up whole night to play online games. Parents know that staying whole night, especially to play games would be detrimental not just to their health, but to their eyes as well. Therefore, it is important that parents set a strict limit on bedtime and games playing as well as explaining why such limit needs to be imposed.
An important thing to remember when setting limits is that we need to be consistent. Reprimanding certain behavior one day but keeping mum about it the next will just confuse children further. Let them know that there is no negotiation or compromise. Soon, children will learn to abide by the rules.
3. Make time
Children will not stay small forever. Before we knew it, they will be off to college, move out of the house and have family of their own. Therefore it is important that we make each moment that we are together counts. There is no need to intentionally create special moments to bond with our children. It is the small things that make memories. Remind children that they are always in our mind.
It is easy to know when young children crave for our time as they tend to act out when they are not given the amount of attention they need. Older children as well as teenagers are more tricky as they are more likely to keep their feelings hidden. Therefore, it is important that parents spend one to one time with their children regularly. When we spend time with them, children feel that they are needed, loved and heard.
4. Set good example
A good way to teach children what we want them to do or how we want them to behave is by setting good example ourselves. Children watch and mimic adults’, especially parents’ behaviour more than we realise. By setting good examples ourselves, we are subconsciously showing our children what is acceptable and what is not.
There will be time that parents will slipped up as well. Everyone tend to make mistakes from time to time. No one is perfect. It is also important to let children understand that everyone make mistakes. There is no need to beat ourselves about it but rather let the experience to be a teaching moment.
5. Communication
Communication is the key for success in any relationship. Through effective communication, we will be able to provide and get the feedback on our feelings and expectations. The same is true in the relationship between parents and children.
Most of the time, children want to know why they need to do something. They need to know the reasons and how it works for them. Getting the answer ‘because I told you so’ frustrates children, just as we would be frustrated with such answer ourselves. Communication helps us in engaging with our children and allow them to come out with suggestions. When children feel they have a say in things, they would respond in a more positive manner. This would also lead to positive parent and children relationship as well as developing mutual respect.
6. Express your love always
There are times when children could be angelic one second and turned into a small devil the next. There will be time when your perfect child make mistakes too, be it in academic, social or personal life. However, no matter what they do or did not do, it is important for children to feel parents’ love and support. Many parents tend to keep their feelings to themselves thinking, ‘of course my children know that we love them’. Children are not pyschic and their inner mental and emotions may not have matured to the degree where they could sense and understand hidden messages. Therefore, parents need to express their love always, both verbally and through actions.
When children make mistakes, seek not to blame or criticize. Understand that they did not do it for the intention of annoying you. Instead of seeking fault, seek to reason with them. Explain why certain behaviour is not acceptable. And affirm that in spite of all, you still love them. When children feel parents’ love, they will strive to be better behaved as well as giving them the assurance that they could rely on their parents, come what may. This will also build up their self esteem.
7. Know your needs and set limitations
Parents, especially mothers, who are the person who take care of the whole family, need to set realistic expectations of what they could and could not do. There is no need beat yourself up if you fail to send your children to school with pretty and cute lunch boxes with 100% organic foodstuff. Focus instead on what needs more attention.
As much as parents want to give the best to their children, it is equally important for parents to take care of themselves. Only by taking care of yourself that you would be healthy, both physically and mentally to take care of the family. When you take good care of yourself, you are also setting yourself up as a role model for your children. There will be times of mistakes or blunders. Be ready to pick yourself up when such thing happens. This could be a learning block for the children too as they learn that everyone, even adults, make mistakes. However, what is important is how we deal and pick ourselves up after such blunders.
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